Archive for August, 2011

Fight For Your Dreams!

Me & My Abusive Boyfriend. True Love Always.

It occurred to me recently that my career as an actor is much like pursuing that bad boy that doesn’t treat you right.

I moved away from my home town to follow him. Everyone told me I was crazy to go after him but I didn’t listen. I admit I’m obsessed with him. I jump at any chance to be with him or near him because nothing can compare to the feeling I get when he chooses me! He makes me feel important and allows me to express myself. He’s dangerous, sexy, and exciting.

Several times a year he chooses me. There’s always the possibility that one day he’ll settle down and marry me. He’s said so himself. I just have to hang in there. It’s a numbers game. I’ve been the lucky girl out of thousands of hot women across the US who’d do ANYTHING to be with him.

Yeah, we have pimps (we like to call them “agents”)
Agent: “Ok honey, this is HUGE. He’s looking for some company next week, could be one day, could be two weeks. You could be his steady girlfriend if you play your cards right. Show up at this address in an hour dressed in a cheongsam and fight for his attention.” I get all dolled up, memorize what I’m supposed to say, and speed over for the opportunity to be with my true love.

Sometimes my networking pays off and I get an inside tip from someone who works for the man of my dreams. He just dumped a girl who couldn’t perform to his liking. He’s looking for a new date for tomorrow! I call my madam and ask her to set up a meeting just for me. My madam sets my appointment but also sends another one of her prostitutes to compete against me. I can’t complain. I just fight for him. Last time I even won. Oh how I won!!

My madam called me and told me the good news. He sent a limo to come get me and flew me first class to an exotic location. I got spending money, a lavish hotel, chauffeurs, servants to dress me and do my hair and makeup for an entire month! Best of all I could call him mine. I could tell the people back home, “See I wasn’t stupid to leave my family and friends. He loves ME. He chose ME!” Just like Meredith on Grey’s Anatomy.

Often, people ooh and ahh, asking me what it was like to date him. If only they knew. Sometimes I get physically hurt when I’m with him but that’s just an occupational hazard. My madam said there was nothing she could do to protect me especially if I was out of the country. I’m ok with that. It’s worth it.

Sometimes he doesn’t pay me for my services. I turn to my madam but she reminds me, “That’s why I only send you out with classy men. This guy is a jerk and you’re the one who wanted date him.”

I knew it was time to stand my ground. I called the bouncers (AKA AFTRA) on him. That’s when I found out that the bouncers will take a complaint but not enforce the rules. I’m into my second year of waiting for that money. Turns out there were many hoes who never got paid, they just aren’t stupid enough to complain. He let my inside connection know that if I hadn’t asked for my money, I could have been his steady girlfriend! I even received a tax stub because he reported to the IRS that he paid me when he didn’t! The worst part is, I didn’t mind working for free because I truly loved being with him. I just wanted him to know I wasn’t some cheap hoe. Friends told me to find a pimp instead, but I was loyal and scared of the unknown.

After all, my madam would tell me that he didn’t choose me more often because I wasn’t pretty enough, young enough, skinny enough, and obviously I wasn’t doing anything different to make myself stand out from all the other hoes. Before every meeting she’d tell me that I needed to try to look beautiful. She would tell me how much money was riding on every call and how rare it was for someone like me to even get an appointment in the first place. She’d remind me that I needed perform for her because every year she would let some hoes go. If I left her, I’d never have the chance to be with him again.

Why have I tortured myself over this man? What is it about him that I just can’t live without? Just like Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain I find myself passionately muttering,” I wish I knew how to quit you.”

I think one day I will. Maybe this year. Oh it makes me cry just to think about giving him up. Maybe he’ll wake up and start to treat me right. I’m tired of waiting by the phone. I’m tired of feeling not enough when I have so much to offer. I’m tired of being at his mercy.

I’ll tell you a secret. I’m not with my madam anymore. Yep. Long overdue. I blocked that bastard out of my mind and tried doing something else for a few months. I felt alive for the first time in my life! But God sent me a sign. My love tracked me down. Even without my madam, and REQUESTED me! I wasn’t even stalking him and HE requested ME! So maybe it is meant to be. I’ll find out after my meeting on Monday.

Wish me luck! xoxox