Archive for November, 2005

Ladies, wear those bras!

Hooray! My first blog on the new website. We’re not quite finished with all the bells and whistles,but we’re getting there!

I heard that my episode of “Hot Properties” aired. I keep missing my airdates. I’m my worst fan! I did an Office Depot commercial about a week ago. There’s some buzz about me getting a little gold statue for this one. Really. I’m that good.

Is everyone ready for turkey day? I celebrated last weekend with friends. I purchased a rotisserie, a 20 lb turkey, and lots of twine. Since I was a first time turkey chef, I had 2 simple goals: 1) juicy 2) flavorful. I decided to torture my friends by improvising a recipe. I made a paste out of rosemary, thyme, Ono seasoning, onion, fresh ground pepper, and a bunch of other spices. I took a fist full of paste and burrowed my hand underneath the turkey’s skin. I massaged each breast with the paste (its getting good isn’t it?) and then delved lower so the dark meat people wouldn’t miss out on any flay-vah. (That’s not a typo) I was up to my elbows in turkey carcass as I thoroughly massaged its thighs. Next I created a liquid concoction consisting of lemon juice, lime juice, orange juice, Ono seasoning, raw/organic coconut oil, and other spices. I took a syringe and injected the citrus coconut juice into every surface of the bird. The hardest part was tying up this gigantic, slippery, beast. Precise tying and skewering is essential, otherwise the bird will hit the sides of the rotisserie bringing rotation to a halt. After getting the stubborn bird into the rotisserie (By this time I had nicknamed him “A-hole”), I watched him rotate twice before I dared to, “Set it and forget it.”
The moment I was gone, A-hole popped a leg free from his bondage, halting the rotation. I returned to a half black, half goosepimply white turkey. Guests were arriving. I used so much twine, you could barely see that A-hole was of mixed heritage. Janell said, “Well if you hadn’t massaged his thighs so vigorously, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten aroused. I would have stuck MY leg out too.” I love my friends. The pink turkey parts were touched up in a real oven by master chef Hans. Everyone thought A-hole was moist and delicious. The rest of the night was spent feasting, toasting marshmallows (& eachother) by the fire pit ’til 5:30 in the morning.
I thought the big disaster that night took place in the rotisserie… until my friend Roger e-mailed me the photos he took. To my horror, I saw picture after picture of Jeanne smiling in a shirt that, with the help of a powerful flashbulb, was completely see through! Jeanne naked with Yuriana, Jeanne naked with Kevin, Jeanne naked with Viviene…
I used to roll my eyes when stars would protest,”My outfit wasn’t see though at home!” Now I believe them. Flashbulbs give photographers super x-ray vision. It was a BLACK shirt for crying out loud. I only had 10 minutes to get ready (thanks to A-hole’s leg stunt!) So now my friends know me a little better than I’d like them to. At least it wasn’t a family dinner! I’ll try to post a couple of the pics. once I figure out how to use Photoshop! LOL!

Airdate

Dharma & Greg airs Saturday, Nov. 12 @ 8:30 am. on FX.